Feeling the squeeze...

Regular visitors will know that I credit contributors to the Ramblings and this one is from the dark horse that is Janet over at Just Jotting Along...

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president'soffice.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,

"Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

Thank you Thomson!

Oh the power of social networking! Following this post on Friday and my subsequent mention of it on Twitter, Thomson Holidays have responded. All we wanted was to collect our tickets on Wednesday afternoon instead of Thursday morning and the result is...we can do just that! So in my time honoured (well OK, only twice but on consecutive weekends) tradition, thank you Thomson Holidays! Just a shame we had to get to that stage in the first place – keeping everything crossed that it all works out for Wednesday!

The Strange Question Meme – Part 1

Busy day tomorrow so I've cheated and done this on Saturday this week, here goes Sunday Stealing.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Pink & white

2. Name one person who made you smile today. David Wright – Ipswich Town right back who scored our winning goal!!!

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Surfing!

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Surfing!

5. What is your favorite candy bar? I love most things chocolate!

6. Have you ever been to a strip club? Errr no!!!! (I did end up in Hooters once though!!)

7. What is the last thing you said aloud? Don't interfere – my husband is looking over my shoulder while I do this!!

8. What is your favorite ice cream? How to choose? Currently Maple syrup, pecan and fudge!!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet coke!

10. Do you like your wallet? Love it! It's a Radley J

11. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No!! (for a change)

13. The last sporting event you watched? Ipswich Town against Derby County and we won woo hoo!!

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Toffee

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My youngest son!

16. Ever go camping? No – hate it.

17. Do you take vitamins daily? Cod liver oil when I remember!

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No

19. Do you have a tan? No – but hopefully will have by next weekend!!

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Probably – like both though.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Only if I'm given one in a restaurant or bar

22. What did your last text message say? David Wright!

23. What are you doing tomorrow? Having friends to visit (I'm cheating and doing this on Saturday!!)

24. Favorite color? Purpley, Pinky, lilacy sort of colours

25. Look to your left; what do you see? The end of the sofa!

Dear Thomson

I know it seems like only yesterday that I last went on holiday but I'm off again next Thursday. Well at least I hope I am. We currently do not have any tickets. Despite several phone calls and the reassurance that the tickets have been sent – twice – we have no tickets. I'm not over optimistic that writing this post will result in any sort of response from Thomson Holidays but after last week's success with Vodafone, here's hoping!

So Thomson, if you're reading this, what we would really like is for you to courier our tickets to your local branch before we leave for the airport. We really do not want to stand in line with lord knows how many other aggrieved passengers for hours on Thursday at the airport. We've given you plenty of opportunity to get the tickets to us and strangely enough all of our other post gets through – you know, the stuff we don't want. As we have booked a hotel with the intention of checking in our luggage the night before and therefore only needing to get to the check in desk 90 minutes before departure we are seriously hacked off with you as a company.

Lots of love

..........................................................

Oh – we're off to the Red Sea for another cruise!!

Friday Funny

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

Neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

Strange goings on...

...on the visitor front! Yesterday when I checked the Feedjit visitor feed I was amazed to find that I had had more than a page worth of visitors sent from this site to this post! I tried to find out how they had found me by searching the site but had no luck! When I checked Google Analytics this morning I found that I had had my biggest visitor count ever for one day – 102 in total!!

Any ideas, anybody?????

A Short Story

A man in a hot air balloon, realizing he was lost, reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended further and shouted to the lady "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am "The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist. "Actually I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's all my fault..."